Life is… now starting

Maybe it all sounds too light, or funny, that a twenty-year-old is ’embracing life for the first time after a long period of darkness’ but unfortunately this is the reality not just for me, but for many, many young people; and not only – many matured persons might feel this way. And this is not a generational problem, it is a general one that could happen at any given time in history (and it has.)

I prefer not to refer to myself as entitled – probably lost, and for a very long time enjoyed events and objects in my life as given. But that is the way emptiness made me act – ungrateful towards myself and what was happening to me; I thought everything was a sign against my existence. I was saddened by my own words and put those very words into the mouths of the people around me. But it takes just one question to turn the tables around: What have I gone through and what does that make me?

A survivor. That is the answer – I survived the worst kind of torture: mental self-abuse. In the beginning of this year, I sat down and thought about my history and tried to find how I ended up in a hole that I dug myself, every single piece of event since my childhood, both happy and unhappy memories: and it turned out that I can’t change the past… But I surely can change the future. I told myself I should be grateful that I’m still here and proud that after all this I have survived. I might not want to talk openly about certain events, but it is still a melodrama that has come to an end. Now I have a different set of eyes to see the world with: a colorful place with lots of different people – and the most beautiful part of it is that I am in total control of it, at least the part that surrounds me. My words and actions affect my closest friends and family and it’s time to take responsibility for my sanity.

Now realizing that I’m way too young, no matter how old I feel, I have lots and lots of days ahead of me and I better make the most of them. So basically the mantra is ‘Go big or go home!’ I am building my presence and, as a citizen of this planet, am leaving a trace behind me, so what is the point of giving up and feeling sad – does it help me achieve my dreams? I have always said, ‘Life is entirely too short for it to be that serious,’ and now my words are coming back me! So I should listen to them. The inner voice is the strongest.

So what am I gonna do now? No, the answer is not survive, nor exist, but fulfill – make myself happy and satisfied, and make my favorite people happy and satisfied. And now that I can think, without self-harm, I am more capable of doing for others, because I am able to do for myself. In conclusion: Life is entirely too short for it to be that serious. Embrace what you have and don’t focus on what you don’t have.