Is the party over?

The high temperatures of July’s Ides have never felt so good. At last, peace, calmness, tranquility, lack of stress and most importantly, pride and success. After having gone the easy way of studying online during a pandemic, I passed, with flying colors, the finals of my Second Year in the Film Academy. And I can’t fully believe this, as my legs are still shaking, because as used to I am to predicting my own future, I would’ve never seen that coming…

I still am trying to look for my youth, in an age where it is still ahead of me, while trying to find my way through absolute adulthood. Officially declaring I am thirty-one years of age, I’m managing through building a name for myself, while still in the diapers and bottles. I’ve fully realized studying for a degree is a full time job, but still – I’m physically in my twenties, so why can’t I have some fun? This is the first time in four years that I’ve had a month and a half long hole of emptiness in my calendar, but for the first time ever, I have an idea what I’ll be doing with it. When I’m left with such a long time of nothingness, I get lost in my own thoughts, and that, as we’ve learned since the making of this blog, does not lead to any good consequences.

But she was wrong. The party is yet to even start: and this is exactly what I’ll be doing. I will be experimenting on my own, newly-developed psyche. Let’s do all the activities that used to depress me, but in a new way, deviated by the prism of self-acceptance; Let’s try to enjoy the company of people and the extremity of being the clown of the circus. Academic work and exams may be done with (for now) but the real tests are yet to come. And I’m waiting for them with all my patience, prepared as never before, completely confident that I’m going to crash the system. Being happy, confident and accepting in an era of depression and self harm is a mind-blowing miracle and maybe… I’m something of a saint myself.

The results are still pending. And I’m always doubting myself when the moment for them to be released comes, except for now. Sure, I’ve done this before, but I’ll be better, stronger, experienced and happier, unafraid, brave and accepting, ready to meet the new cast of the new season of my life, and also be the best dressed at the premiere of it, sitting in the front row. I’ll have the last laugh!