I remember back in high school, we used to study in geography class that there are events in nature, like winds, that seem to happen because nature itself seeks balance within. I can’t pretend I’m an alien and my emotions and sanity seem nothing like any normal human processes, but I’ve tried to apply this same sentence on myself, quite successfully many of the times. But I never noticed anyone else doing it. As I grew older, I started feeling like I have less and less energy to be able to complete moral tasks that could change me for the better and this system of inner balance-seeking quickly fell out of use.
The more I’m becoming a mortal human, the more I’m able to analyze actions and thoughts that people express and I’m able to find in myself too. I never taught myself to see the best in others. Instead, I’ve become a scan-machine and can list people’s traits just at glance. I believe it’s not prejudice, as this method has yet to fail me. The furthest I’ve gone is seeing the best in myself.
Lately, I’ve been analyzing a new point of interest: the controversial social phenomenon of sharing opinions on other people. Comments about somebody are shared all the time. As I’m trying to stop doing it, because I wish to stay away from trouble, I’ve resorted to the next best solution: eavesdropping.
It is clear that negative opinions are most likely to be shared, again with intention that either side of the conversation becomes their better self and positive ratings are more likely to be kept unsaid, since the recipient probably knows about them already, right? Turns out, positive opinions are not shared as much since they are too objective than what one might be able to comprehend and it only seems that negatives might be more common, because they are subjective. Negative traits and actions are far easier to be led through the person’s inner prism, whereas positives have to be run through both inner and social prism – pseudo-mathematics that take much more energy and thoughts than one might have time for.
Just like professional critics, we as ordinary people can only criticize on grounds we are familiar with. So here it is: I’ve never criticized my friend, who applied for jury duty; who’s comfortable with taking more than two responsibilities at a time; who can sew; who has a great balance between ego, pride and confidence. I have, however, criticized my friend who texts too much; who’s too reckless; who likes to brag about themselves. I don’t criticize my friend for the characteristics that I admire or I don’t have, but I criticize my friend for the ones I hate doing myself. The truth is that people will never criticize your actions, but they criticize their actions they see you do.
The more I’m able to see my actions in others, the more I’m able to understand how negatively those actions affect me, by affecting my closest circle first. Living and understanding society is hard, but understanding myself first might help progress. Seeing what I’m repelled by, I can absolutely see the reason why I feel like a social renegade, or rather a recluse that walks around public spaces and uses the metro.
However, what is never talked about, is how much psychological energy it takes to notice anything within yourself, especially when your mind is preoccupied already with tasks and emotions taking on, leaving you in a nauseous and drunk-like state of numbness. Everybody is different, but understanding that others only see in you what they see in themselves makes taking critiques far easier and allows for their better understanding and/or applying.
TOMMY EXPLORES THE WORLD 