Does anybody notice how late I am to be sharing a recap of last year? I usually intend these to be posted by the end of the year they reflect on, but lately I’ve felt like I’m way too occupied and tired to be remembering, so I… Just leave it as it is, as it has happened.
In the past several weeks I’ve tried to analyze if anything influential happened to me during 2021, it has just now gotten to me how many core memories that year was filled with and how many questions I’ve figured about myself:
The volunteer
This is how the year started. Figured, I have a great and strong immune system; got the Covid-vaccine early and never caught the virus, so why don’t I put my free time to good use? I signed up to the hospital my mother works at to be a volunteering disinfecting personnel, as that was one position that didn’t require any medical or administrative knowledge and I just had to spray disinfectant around the building. I worked the night hours, which was fine, and was still able to catch up on my studies in the Academy during my second year there. It was quite intense, especially during early April until May, when the number of infected people spiked and there were way too many emergencies, even at night. It was stressful and I only survived it mentally by imaging that I was in a story and none of it was real… I wouldn’t go back, no matter what I’d get in return. I started in March and ended in the last week of June.
Socially handicapped
With the money I had saved earlier in the year, I went with my closest friend and her two other friends on a vacation by the sea. I was so excited about it and planned it for a long time. We both don’t really celebrate anything other than New Year’s and maybe some birthdays, so we came up with a holiday for our favorite season to celebrate: The Summer Ides – a period of five days, that fall in July and mark the middle of the hottest season. My expectations of the vacation were ruined when I saw that I can’t blend myself in most social events… We’d meet groups of people my friend knew and I’d stand there awkward, not saying a word. I do realize that this is because I spent too much time trying to minimize the recognition of my softer mannerisms, which now that I’ve dampened, I’m left with this habit of staying quiet in a group to evade getting all eyes on me in the homophobic society of the country I currently live in. I am still working on the problem of opening up socially, and this may be my latest long-battle.
Proving myself academically
My second year in Film Academy was marked by some very, very bad results in post production of sound in several of the semester projects I worked in. I was assured by my colleagues and some of my teachers and professors that I hadn’t done such a bad job and that the results were that of a second-year-student. But I was certain I’d messed it up, and so was the rector of the academy, and he didn’t miss the opportunity to let me know how bad of a job I’d done, frankly because he probably wants the best from us, which I want too. I knew the mistakes and error that I committed during the work process, but was too stressed with deadlines and periods, so I couldn’t reach the balance between skills and time. Now that I’ve learned more, especially about how to manage my time, I’m more confident in the work I’ve done this year, being three musical live performances and two trailers of theatrical plays.
A catalyst sickness
In late October I caught the Omicron-variant of Covid-19. I had a fever for several days and a week later lost sense of taste and smell for about half a month, but was generally fine and the sickness never got intolerable or painful or too distracting. I quarantined myself, which was a huge issue, because I was in the middle of film shooting at the time, but still managed to save it all. Ever since, I’ve lacked energy to do anything, from an ordinary walk to exercising, which is becoming a huge problem for me. My organism is not the same and the issues I had before, that I used to shrug, like my stomach issues, are become more and more noticeable and I’m still currently working on averting the effects, which I do hope are temporary.
Travelling (again)
I really do love to travel, it gives me a good and solid foundation to compare the country and place I currently live in and how rotten, toxic, under educated and generally bad the environment is here. I really do hate where I live now and want to escape it. The Covid-19 pandemic put my plans on hold and I have to admit that I was ready for the upcoming suffering, having learned a lot from history, unlike many, many other people… But by the end of that year I was on the road again, first visiting Zagreb with my aunt for her friend’s birthday, then visiting my motherland of choice, Italy, twice in December. I was left surprised how expensive the Northern part is, and how cheap the South could be. I hope I get to live in Rome soon.
It is visible that that year wasn’t one of great lessons and solution, but rather one that opened more field to work on in my head. Instead of finding ways to fix myself, I was left with a bunch of homework to work on later… In conclusion: 2021 was the year I recognized my issues.
* All photographs were taken by me, except where noted. Some of the original pictures were resized and repositioned.
TOMMY EXPLORES THE WORLD 