Perhaps I’m the kind of person that attracts people, who want to confide in me. They often share their most intimate stories and secrets. In exchange, I give out my opinion and advice. That way it’s not just one-sided conversation, unless noted. I enjoy it when I have the chance to talk with strangers, it keeps me informed about society. Most importantly, it gives me feedback about my own perspective of the world. Is it fresh? Is it honest? Is it wrong?
Someone recently told me I should be more romantic; that I have to let love take over even for a short time and not be so rational about it. I don’t throw myself in when I begin a new relationship, because I don’t want to end up heartbroken and would rather just remain disappointed. But that has me keeping the guard up for a longer time than needed, building an indestructible barrier between me and the other person, which may leave the impression that I’m cold, insecure and not open. And that’s simply not true. I just don’t want to be sad. But I may be protecting myself too much.
I met Andreas, a cinematographer, who’s a bit older than me. We were shooting a project together in Switzerland. He had ended his last relationship just days before and seemed very confused. I listened to him digging into it, as I thought he needed to vent and he had seemingly figured the situation out. “Head over heels is never the best approach to a relationship”, I said, sharing my opinion, adding: “You should think about what the future with that person could look like, before allowing yourself to fall in love. Could you trust them, could you look past their imperfections, could you stay through turbulence, etc…”
He listened carefully as I shared my views. Interestingly, he had never thought about it the way I do. I was surprised, because I was left with the impression that when it comes to starting a relationship, everyone’s rational even in the slightest. Andreas told me that he’s a romantic; that he’d rather fall in love easily, than to have to break down a barrier he took too long building. And I have to admit: he has a valid point.
We had to continue our conversation the next day, as we were interrupted by work. We were shooting a “film” project by a painter, who’s was trying to act as a director, although quite inexperienced. Our shock from his blatant ignorance for filmmaking seemed to be bonding us closer. As I insisted on discussing relationships further, he gave me the advice that I should be more romantic. I had never been told I’m not as romantic before and I truly thought I was too romantic – and that was pushing people away. But it turns out I grounded him way too hard and it didn’t leave the right impression. In his own right, I should’ve explored his point, instead of contradicting him.
Finally, I was wrong about my own perception of me. I’m spending too much time being romantic on my own that when it comes to relationships I’m too tired to be romantic with the other person and that is what is pushing them away. My pursuit of happiness and self-fulfilment doesn’t allow me to enjoy others’ presence and I need to work on that. Maybe it’s time I allowed myself to be sad and lonely in order to start seeking company.
TOMMY EXPLORES THE WORLD 