Hermitically abandoned

Lately, I’ve been on a downward spiral. The once cheerful and vibrant boy is now a red-eyed pathetic zombie, who nobody cares to ask about. Everyone I’ve cherished and supported has abandoned me and I feel like I won’t try to mend those bridges anymore. I am, at last, completely and utterly alone. No friends, no family, no love and no community.

All I do is scroll through reels all the time (I don’t have TikTok) and to be frank, it does numb me a little bit from the sadness I feel otherwise. It’s like I leave one world for a while, entering another one where I don’t have any thoughts or feelings and everything is just funny enough. All I can think about right now is that I’m very grateful there wasn’t any kind of a TikTok-like app during my tear-filled and predominantly sadness-occupied adolescence, because it would’ve completely destroyed me; in that sense I understand the difference between remedy and poison.

I have to get rid of my “what if I’m not wanted” mentality, because if I’m not wanted, I wouldn’t get invited. I’m not afraid to be alone. I hate it; but I can go through it. Sure, I’d complain sometimes, but I’ll eventually pull through.