Why I won’t be in a relationship anytime soon

This post was brought to you by me after watching several horoscope readings by YouTube astrologists, influenced by this year’s last Mercury Retrograde (corny as hell).

I want to be in love and in a relationship, because I don’t want to feel lonely anymore. Thinking back, ever since my childhood I’ve thought that people only anchor me down, because they can’t evolve at the same pace as me. But growing up has made me also believe that I can’t be the only fast evolving person in the world.

I’ve realized that I’m not dependant at all. I’m very self sufficient and that’s not what relationships are for. Two halves, right? Frankly, my desire to be in love and in a relationship aside, deep down I believe that most people seek relationships, because they are too stupid to go through life alone: most men are looking for a nanny for themselves and most women are looking for a father or even a brother figure. People want that special someone to drive them to their appointment, because they are too pretentious to take public transport; they need someone to tell them how to look, because they only know how to build opinions for themselves through the words of the (significant) others; some seek relationships, because they are too disgusted to fuck strangers, and so on. But I understand – all those reasons are valid, so why aren’t mine?

I don’t need anyone to take care of me, to influence me or to even be an emotional support. Communication is nice, sex is great – what about company? I’m completely capable of looking after myself, there isn’t anything I need to be done that I can’t do myself – but getting these words out of my head and in form for me to read really makes me understand that this is absolutely anti-social and inhumane. Humans have literally evolved to exist in societies and this means that somewhen in history a group of people gathered to live together, because each one could do something the others couldn’t. And then there was my ancestor who lived away from this group simply because they could do it all and more. I’m the kind of person everyone is looking for, just not in the long term. Think of me like a general practitioner – you only come to me when push comes to shove.

In conclusion, I need to incapacitate myself. In order to fit in society and be a real human person, I need to forget how to do something absolutely vital, so that I start seeking someone to do it for me. Every person who tries to say that you need to heal first, become independent and be in peace with yourself before getting in a relationship has a rotting body in their closet that has filled the entire house with an unbearable smell and is struggling to remember to water the plants they bought from Ikea last month.