What if I’m wrong?

Lately, I’ve been trying to get my friend into astrology. I’d compare my horoscope to what’s happened during the day in my attempt to prove that sometimes there’s predictability in corelation to the natal chart, though it takes a bit of interpretation. However, he insists that it’s all purely coincidental and disproves whatever argument or example I bring him. In fact, he suggests that perhaps he doesn’t fully believe in reason behind everything.

In the six months left until I’m 25, I’m rapidly battling the naivety of young-adulthood. The older I get, the more I’m starting to believe in coincidences: I talk to people, they reveal their truth and I understand that it doesn’t always mean anything having met each other at the same time, at the same place; it was just incidental. To put it into other words, I used to believe that although everything might not happen for a reason, there’s always a lesson in it. And then I’d overanalyse each situation that happened to me and gain knowledge, which I’d use in the situation that followed and so on. It is a lot more interesting to accept that coincidences do not exist, because that predisposes you to accept change.

Admittedly, I’m scared to become 25, because there’s a lot of recklessness still left in me, that I’d like to take advantage of, but it feels like I’m running out of time. I always hear these stories that most people completely change once they become 25 or soon after that – what scares me is not the change itself, but it’s direction. On the other hand, I’m so addicted to change, that I’m ready to to embrace blankness, in order to make room for this impending collision between my younger and more mature selves.

The structured belief I have built for the world I live in seems to shake and crumble recently. I’m meeting a lot of evidence that all is not what I’ve made myself believe it to be. And I don’t know how to fill these holes.