Am I running out of luck?

Several months have passed since I last controlled everything in my life. It only seems right to let myself become inert and let luck run the business for a while. I feel like panicking: the structure of my achievements is crumbling and is about to collapse. I know letting go is for the best and in the end I’m going to turn this all out in my favour. Because that’s what I always do, right?

Despite my efforts to let go of overcontrol, I’ve made several attempts gaining it back. In March I went as an assisting teacher for two weeks in the Film Academy I graduated from. Some advice I gave to the students was seen as infringement of their ideas by the other assistants and I was called out for it. I defended my decision to give out advice, but instead of trying to navigate the situation and make amends, I decided to completely back out and never go there again. Even when I was still a student, it was evident that key professors and administrators had a certain attitude towards me – my achievements were never noted and everyone received personal help and assistance when they needed it, except for me; among other situations.

Perhaps it wasn’t personal. But that position wasn’t meant to last. I’m only using that situation as a reference because I’m not certain if in similar situations before, luck was on my side to work it all out for the best, or if I controlled everything to guarantee a convenient end for me. But to be honest, I could’ve managed it, the way I managed to graduate. I didn’t see a point in staying to fight people who wanted to fight me first, and whom I didn’t want to fight with.

It’s time to end the big lessons and apply to life all I’ve learned so far. At least for the next couple of years, I need to experiment with what I know and put it to the test; see what works and what doesn’t. I don’t want to forget what it feels like holding on to the steering wheel, but I also don’t have to keep my foot on the gas pedal.